An Observation

Last night, I went to another child's practice.  It was a 2-hour thing, so I took my other children, one of whom has just turned 1.

There was a father there who made eyes at this baby for quite some time.  He played peek-a-boo and other games with him, and had him thoroughly entertained... for a while.  Then the baby decided he didn't want to sit on my lap any more.  He wanted to be down, exploring.

He started fussing, and the father who'd been playing with him, offered to hold him.  I gladly accepted.  This father must have played with my baby for an hour and a half!  He got down on the baby's level and really played.  I don't mean like a parent sort of plays with someone else's child.  I mean like a buddy plays with a friend (if you can say that at a 1-year old's age!)  He had him crawling around, picking the clover, crawling to the fence, checking out the other kids, playing with the keys.  They did, went, saw, crawled, sat, clapped, "talked" and laughed. They covered some territory.

I remember sitting there and thinking how grateful I was to have someone so into having fun with my child.  And I was grateful to have a moment to just be by myself for a bit, which doesn't happen much in my household.

I also remember thinking about some people that I know.  They have several kids.  The mom and dad both work.  And I never see the parents really interact with their kids.  Oh, they do things for and with them.  But there's not much actual interaction between the parents and the kids.  The go from here to there together, but the parents are always chatting with other adults, to the point that they don't really even watch their kids when other adults are around.  Now I don't know this, but it's almost like they truly love their kids, but don't really want to spend any of their time connecting with them.

I looked back at this father who was playing with my baby.  Now he obviously loves kids, and he really knows how to interact -- to really connect -- with at least 1 that I know of!

But I also know that he's an excellent father to his own kids.  He's fun, he smiles a lot, but serious when he has to be, he takes things as they come, and he doesn't let the little things bother him.  (He didn't have a bit of concern that his work slacks were incredibly dirty; it was all part of the way it was supposed to be.)

What a great example he is to other parents, and probably even more importantly, to his own kids.  (What do you think the odds are that his kids will end up adopting some of the ways that they've seen from their own father when it's their turn?)


To read more or become part of our parenting forum, please visit us at Positive-Parenting-with-Purpose.com.  Here, you'll find more on active parenting, how focusing on a positive marriage is crucial when trying to be a positive influence, the power of teaching children positive thinking when parenting today, and many many more positive parenting tips!

And come share your thoughts on the on-site forum!

Sun Safety for Kids

Today one of my boys had a baseball game.  It started at 10:00 a.m. and it's only mid March, so I didn't think about putting on sunscreen.

When I think about the fact that I'm headed to the dermatologist to have a skin check in a couple of weeks, I think that my kids are really relying on me, as their parent, to protect their skin when they're too young and too carefree to think about doing it themselves.

The sun was a little fierce today at the ball park. Next game, I'll do a better job of making sure my child is lathered up with sunscreen prior to heading out.

After doing a fair amount of research, I've come to know that it DOES matter what quality of sunscreen you use.  It makes a huge difference if you research and find the best sunscreen, based on sunscreen ratings, but also based on the type of barrier used (i.e., what type of chemicals are used to provide the protection, etc.), the viscosity of it and/or the length of time it will actually stay on the skin.  Of course, if it's dermatologist recommended should also be a consideration.

Aside from sunscreen, there are many types of spf clothing that can also provide some extra sun protection, including an spf shirt.  Now days, some spf clothing has become quite trendy.  Because of this, there is a huge array of styles of different types of swim shirts, casual wear shirts, swim suits, and sun suits available.  Check them out!  They can help protect the skin of your children (and can do it without them even knowing!)


For more information about sun protection, see my page on sun safety for kids.  You can also find some info on the five signs of skin cancer, some information on kids swimwear, beach hats, and also baby sun hats.  Come visit!

A New Day

Today was a new day.  Not perfect, but much better than yesterday.  There was some give and take where it mattered to give and take, and the boundaries were set where they needed to be. 

Always striving to be a grace-based parent. 




For more on parenting with purpose in a positive way, please visit my site at Positive Parenting with Purpose.  Click on the tab to Grace Based Parenting for more on finding the grace behind those who do this job really well!

I Found Myself in an Authoritarian Style of Parenting Today

I like to think that I use an authoritative style of parenting.  This parenting style provides boundaries, but gets the child involved in some of the decision making and also the consequences of the decisions.  Those who use the authoritative parenting style show their kids that they are valued through their interactions.

But I found myself in authoritarian parenting mode today.  I was barking orders at my kids and then just found myself frustrated with them.  I was definitely "talking at" them instead of with them.

It wasn't a good day.

Fortunately, I can do something about that.

I believe in active parenting, part of which means to evaluate my interactions with my kids similarly to what I might do with my friends or business associates and then make adjustments if I need to.

I'll do better tomorrow.  I'll be more open to listening, talking with them, and try to have more patience than I did today.  Mostly, I'll remember that they're little adults in the making, and be more flexible with them as it relates to the boundaries that don't need to be so firm.

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If you'd like to get more tips and join a discussion with other parents, come see my site, Positive Parenting with Purpose, and visit these pages for more specifics on: the types of parenting styles, active parenting, parenting talk, and parenting stress.

Baby Cribs - Only Fixed Sided Cribs Legal in the US

After dozens of deaths and numerous recalls over the past 10 + years due to drop-sided cribs, the Consumer Products Safety Commission has banned the manufacturing, the use and the resale these cribs in the US. 

You may have seen these baby cribs before.  You may even have one.  They have one side that with a lever of some sort, can be dropped down to make it easier for the parents to get the child. 

Babies can get stuck in between the side, which could have moved slightly, and the mattress, causing suffocation. 

What's allowed now?  Only cribs that have fixed sides, without moveable parts as the frame.  The ban took place midway through 2011.

For more on what features to look for when purchasing a crib for your baby, check out my website page on baby cribs.


Positive parenting with Purpose is all about parenting with plan.  It's for all of those who are actively parenting with a positive outcome in mind.  Come join our discussions and add your 2 cents in our on-site blog!  

To Breastfeed or Not to Breastfeed?

I've talked to what seems like countless people about breastfeeding -- the benefits, the potential issues a new mother can encounter, etc. 

Let me just say, opinions vary on this topic.  Boy! Do they vary! And people are passionate about the decision that they make, after they make it.  It's actually trying to make the decision when the time comes that can be really tough. 

When a new to-be mother is discussing this at 8 or 9 months pregnant, here are some of the benefits to breastfeeding that she'll hear about:

• The milk from the mother has the best possible formulation for the health and easy digestion of her infant
• The milk is always at the right temperature
• It has all of the necessary antibodies needed for the baby
• Because the formulation is right for the child, there is less waste
• Mother nature provides supply based on need (at least that's how it's supposed to work); the more the infant takes, the more the mother then produces.
• It's always available.  No worrying about forgetting bottles, formula, etc.
• It can help the mother lose her weight!

Now, this list isn't all-inclusive.  The lactation specialists can add a lot to this list of benefits.  But even though this list sounds really good, there are others that passionate about draw-backs.  Some of these that they might list include:

• Initially, it can make the mother very sore and can be painful, especially if there is trouble getting the infant to latch on properly
• Some ladies report continual leaking, which requires special bra padding to absorb and hide
• There can be trouble getting the baby to figure out the right latch
• It's difficult to know how much the baby is getting to drink
• The infant tends to eat breast milk more often so frequency of feeding can be more
• The mother needs to track which side the child ate from to keep milk production as even as possible
• It can sometimes be difficult to find what the mom thinks is an appropriate place to feed when the child is hungry
• If milk isn't cycled through like it should be, mastitis can occur.  This is painful and usually needs the help from a doctor to oversee recovery
• Breastfeeding is harder to have others help with.  (You can pump and save it for others to use.)

Again, this list isn't all-inclusive and I'm sure people who are on the side of bottle feeding could add some.

As I said at the beginning, this can be a contentious topic.  But here's my perspective:

If you are able to make breastfeeding work, do it.  It is best for the baby, and I find arguments that say otherwise without merit.  The mother's milk is best, period.  BUT, if breastfeeding is tried, if there is substantial pain and then frustration (during a time where the new mother is already exhausted -- tired, recovering physically, emotionally and adjusting to a new helpless creature that she's caring for), then we are fortunate that we live in a time where there is an alternative for the new mother, one other than a milk maid!!

It's important for the mom and the baby to bond, for the baby to feel the love from the mother and for the the mother to have the bandwidth to be able to give it! If breastfeeding gets to a point where it is causing the mother frustration or pain to the point where she becomes resentful, the baby can sense that.  She needs to do what she's supposed to do as a mother ... make decisions based on what is best for the child (and her and the rest of the family) based on all of the factors. 

Look at it like this:  making a decision about whether or not this works for the mother, baby and family is the first of MANY decisions like this she'll have to make while this child develops into an adult!


See Positive Parenting with Purpose for more answers to breastfeeding questions, the pros and cons of breastfeeding, information on foods to avoid while breastfeeding, and some guidance on breastfeeding clothes.  While you're there, add your own comments to my site blog!  Let everyone benefit from your own experiences!

Getting a Child Car Seat

I talked about child safety a little bit in an entry a couple of days ago.  Part of what a parent needs to consider when thinking about the safety of their child is which car seat to purchase. 

Before making the trip to the hospital to deliver is the appropriate time to determine which is the best child car seat for your little one.  And there are quite a few things to consider, such as:

• Do you want an infant seat that's part of a travel system? 
• Do you want a convertible car seat that allows you to stay with the same car seat as your child grows?
• Do you want to use one that a friend no longer needs, or buy a new one?
• Do you have all of the appropriate accompaniments for it to fit your little infant on the day he/she comes home from the hospital?

And there are more.

If you decide to buy a new infant car seat, make sure to follow the instructions closely when putting it together.  There are proper angles for the seat depending upon how it's positioned in the car, straps to adjust, etc.

If you are going to acquire a used car seat, there are some other things to think about. Not only do you want to follow the manufacturer's guidelines when putting it in place, but you'll also want to:

• Be sure that the seat fits your child.
• Make sure that it fits, and will work as it should, in your car.
• Check the straps to ensure that they do not move, unless you are adjusting them. Make sure there aren't any tears in the straps.
• Check to see if it's been in an accident before; it is recommended that car seats which have been in an accident not be used.
• Check for any cracks or breaks in the seat itself.  You are checking the integrity of the seat.
• Make sure that there are no essential pieces missing.
• Ensure that you have the proper base.  If it can be used without a base, can it be positioned properly in your car without it?
• Check the baby product recalls to ensure that your seat hasn't been recalled.  If it has, check to see if the manufacturer has provided a remedy for the concern.
• Ensure that the straps will lie flat, as intended, across the shoulders and around the hip area.  

This isn't an all-inclusive list, but these are some of the things to think about when getting a car seat.  For more things to consider, check out my page on the infant car seat.

As the child grows, if you've been using an infant car seat, you'll need to consider a convertible or booster seat once your child reaches the size limit for the infant seat.  

There are many different options when determining the best child car seat for your little one.  It's an important decision.  Think about how much you drive!  Do your research so that you'll be happy with the one you get.  You'll be using it a lot!

Parenting Discipline

In the past year or so, there has been a lot of coverage about the changes the past couple of decades have seen in parenting (in general). 

Do kids, these days, feel entitled?  Do they act as if they are? Are parents entitling their kids?  Are more subscribing to the uninvolved parenting style, or the permissive parenting style?  Are parents just generally overwhelmed with their own lives and then even more overwhelmed with having to deal with their kids? 

The alternative might be the authoritarian parent, one who is very strict and needs to maintain control.  Have you heard the coverage over the past year about the Tiger Mom?  Her girls seem to be very successful, but is this the way to get them there? 

A deeper question might be how parents these days are actually disciplining their kids.  There is a lot of negative coverage about spanking, and great coverage about time - outs.  Is this what parents are doing today, or are parents spanking their kids and not mentioning it to anyone? 

I cover this topic on the page on my site called parenting discipline.  I'd like to get a lot more feedback from others.  Please go to disciplining kids and weigh in. 

Temper Tantrums Start as Toddler Tantrums

If you have kids, you've seen them or will see them throw a temper tantrum.

I think these little fits actually start as babies; babies know no other way to get what they need other than to cry.  But as children get older and begin to develop their ability to think through small lessons of cause and effect, they'll turn into toddler tantrums; they're causing a meltdown to affect the reaction/result they want.

If you're not there yet, get ready.  They'll happen.  And it's how you handle the child during these times that will shape future behavior you'll experience with him/her.

Have you seen the child in the department store who starts screaming at his mother loudly enough for the whole world to hear?  This child wants something, and is testing the tantrum thing to see if it'll get her what she wants.  She can either learn very quickly that this type of behavior works very well... or she can learn 1) that screaming doesn't work well and 2) there are other, better ways to get what she wants.

All too often as the mother, (and this has happened with me many, many times!) it is easier and less embarrassing to give in, thinking that you'll handle it the next time, or you'll discipline your child for her bad behavior later.  Well, once she learns that bad behavior will get her what she wants, she'll gladly provide more of it the next time.  And disciplining a toddler later can be very confusing to her; it is best to handle it in the moment.

HOW you do it can vary a lot, and that's a topic for another post.  But handle it.  Do it with grace.  Talk with her.  Don't let HER bad attitude get control of YOU.  Know that you're behavior in response to her is an example to her of how to act.  Remember to reward her for good behavior, once she corrects it in a situation like this, but also when she's acting nicely at other times.

What's a reward?  Well, that depends on your child. This is important because often I see parents reward kids based on what they (the parents) like as rewards, not with what the child's currency is. What does she like?  What gets her excited?  What has she wanted before when she's thrown a temper tantrum? 

Know that handling toddler tantrums well early on means you're paving the way for better behavior as your child gets older.

For more on temper tantrums which happen during the toddler years, see my site's page on toddler tantrums.

Click here for more on the topic of parenting discipline.  Weigh in on spanking versus time-outs!  Leave your comments on  our disciplining children page.

Safety of Kids

When you bring home an infant from the hospital, the main concerns you might have with regards to his/her safety is the infant car seat and any medicines which the baby might need.  Childproofing your home may not be a concern yet since it will be a while before the baby is mobile. Yet childproofing the home is best done before the child becomes very mobile so that the necessary precautions are already in place.

Many things should be considered prior to your baby crawling:  plug outlets, and medicines, cleaning chemicals, and other solutions which might be poisonous if ingested should be stored out of reach of the child.  Plants should be removed from the crawling area.  Anything small, that might possibly be removed from something larger should be out of reach.  Gates should be put up to keep the crawler contained to safe areas.

Floors should be kept free of debris that a child might think looks interesting to eat. (Crawlers usually think everything looks like it should go in the mouth if it fits!)

For other useful tips and safety considerations in and around the home, visit Safety of Kids.

Another thing to keep in mind as parents is sun protection.  Protecting kids' skin from sun damage when they are young will be very important to them as they age, but nothing they'll care about when they're children.  That's why it's our job, as parents to help them with this!  They'll appreciate it later! Choosing  the best sunscreen, which includes knowing and assessing the sunscreen ratings, should be part of the plan.

Click here for more information on sun safety for kids.

Safety isn't something children think about much; very young kids don't have the ability to even understand consequences, so "safety" does not mean anything to them.  That's why, as parents, it needs to be on the front of our minds for our little ones.
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