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Sunday, April 29, 2012

Labeling Your Kids

I was listening to a seminar the other day that discussed the importance that labels make in a child's life.

Parents often label their kids and don't even know that they do it.  I've done it before and not realized it until afterwards.  Heck.  It's very hard not to attach some sort of label to people in general, and parents do it often as a way to describe what their kids do.

I think that labeling would be really difficult to completely eliminate.  And I DON'T think that labeling has to be all bad.  I think that it does matter how things are said by adults to and about kids, especially as it relates to parents.

I've heard parents say, "You are so lazy."  It might seem harmless, but kids can embed this in their memory and make it true because "mommy said it" or "daddy told me I am."  It might be more constructive to empathize with the child and tell them that, when they want to, they can certainly be very productive (or something similar, depending on the age of the child.)  For me, the most important thing is to use language that describes that particular moment only, not how the child IS.  (The child might be lazy in the moment, but does that really make them LAZY? It actually can if that kind of language is used.)

There are times when children may not meet expectations, so it doesn't make sense to use positive language all of the time.  However, it is very important to consider the long-lasting effect that our statements do make to and about our children.  And affirming, present tense language can go a long way in helping a child realize their own potential, not just matching the statements made by others.


For more on positive parenting, please visit my site and add your own thoughts to one of our forum discussions.  The site is Positive Parenting with Purpose.com and the forums can be found at my Positive Parenting Blog.

For pages that relate to this topic or have a similar theme, check out these pages:  Parenting Skills, Emotional Development, Parenting Talk, Parenting Today, Self Esteem, and Grace Based Parenting.

Thursday, April 26, 2012

Baby Product Recall

Target has just recalled a bunny sippy cup due to concerns that the decoration could potentially poke a child in the eye.

Click this link for more on this recall or other baby product recalls, and go to my page on "Product Recalls" if you'd like to plug in specific items to see if there have been any product recalls.




Tuesday, April 24, 2012

Comparing Parenting

Do you find yourself comparing yourself to other parents?

Well, I think you should... and you shouldn't.

What? In my opinion, it should be a little of both. Here's how.

You shouldn't strictly compare your situation to others. Everyone has a different dynamic in their family that stems from the number of kids, the involvement of both parents, the age of the kids, the financial situation, the individual personalities of the parents and the kids, etc. But I do believe that it is helpful to look around and see what others are doing, and determine if it works well or not. I just call that a using others' outcomes to adjust (or not) your compass.

I do this all the time. I can't help but look at others, at times, see how they handle situations with their kids, and try to determine the positive or negative effects that their ways might have on their kids and the relationships that they have with them. I think that that's constructive, to a point. I think it's best not to get into making others wrong, but, again, it can be used to help make adjustments in your own compass.

As an example, I saw a mom in the grocery store the other day who had a daughter that seemed to be pushing her buttons. The daughter was doing everything possible to get her mother's attention. The daughter started throwing things that were in the cart. Her mother grabbed the box of cereal that was on the ground, put it back in the cart, took her daughter's hand, paused, and took a deep breath.  It was a few seconds before she got down on eye level with her daughter and spoke quietly with her.

I don't know what happened after that, but I really appreciated the way she took care of her own pressure cooker before dealing with her daughter.  I believe strongly that her daughter will be better off for it, if that's the way her mother handles situations with her.

With me, I think I do well in some circumstances, and not as well in others.  But taking care of my stress level first will be more of a conscious thing for me so that I set myself up for the best interactions with my kids in tense situation.

What are your thoughts?  Visit my comments section, my Facebook page  or on Twitter.  

Also, you might want to check out some of my pages that have topics similar to this post, or have some good off-shoots:  Grace Based Parenting, Good parenting through consistency, Parenting Styles, Parenting Discipline, and Parenting with a Plan.




Friday, April 20, 2012

Teaching Kids the Value of Money

Have you ever notices that some kids' parents give them whatever they want? Boy, I have.

I've noticed that some parents just need to be cajoled, prodded, or incessantly begged for something and their parents -- usually meaning well and wanting to please their kids -- give in and get them what they want.


I'm always amazed by this, that parents can't seem to think ahead to the possible damage that this can cause in the kids' upbringing.

Oh, I realize that almost every parent I know just wants the best for their kids. But "the best" in the short-term isn't often "the best" long-term. I also realize that buying things for your kids isn't always a bad thing, but I look around and see many kids that, to no fault of their own, are spoiled, are not learning the value of money, and are being set up for disappointment later in life when they have to fend for themselves in purchasing what they want.

My kids think we are poor. They think their parents are very frugal. They see my husband and me save for things. We research big-ticket things and weigh our decisions before buying. And then we usually pay cash. I can't help but think that this conservative stance will serve them better in the long run. It does kinda hurt sometimes when, as a parent, I ultimately want my children to be happy and want to help provide them with that happiness.

But I believe that our main role as parents is to teach them to be self-reliant, responsible, and caring adults. Hopefully, teaching them the value of money will eventually lead to more of a peaceful life, too. (Living below your means can help avoid the stress of not having the money to pay for things. Remember, withing marriages, finances is one of the primary factors leading to stress and ultimately discontent and divorce in the US.)

When my kids were able, I'd take them to the store with me and we'd compare the quality of things that we wanted and compare the prices. We'd also compare the amount of the product in the package and make decisions about what to buy based on all of that. My kids first thought I was nuts. Who has time for all of that?

When we took our kids to Disney World, I gave them each some money, as a gift. They could buy whatever they wanted (within reason), but when the money was gone, it was gone. One of my kids wanted a particular sword. He bought it and it cost almost all of the money he was given. Honesty, he had pennies left over. One of my other sons bought something, and brought the rest of the money home. He wanted to "save it for something he really wanted later." I was so proud of him.

I'm sure there are many, many parents out there who have some fantastic life lessons that teach about money. The point it, it's important to teach them how to cope with delayed gratification, and it's important for parents to deal with the discomfort of leaving your kids wanting something in order to benefit them long-term.

Do you have some thoughts on this? Please write in. Send me your comments.

For more, see my pages on teaching children the value of money, and teaching them personal values.

Wednesday, April 18, 2012

Are You TOO Active with Your Kids?

Seems like a strange title, when just a while ago I wrote a post about active parenting.  This other post was about staying actively involved in your kids' lives.  So now why the turnabout?

I see it often, and I'm involved in it myself:  being too involved with toting the kids here and there, doing their laundry, making their dinner, cleaning up their belongings.  There's nothing wrong with that, per se.  Heck.  That's part of what we're supposed to do.  It's what parents have to do with very young kids.

But there needs to be a balance when kids begin to get a little older.
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I believe strongly that, when kids see that you put them first all of the time, they begin to think of themselves as worthy of being put first all the time!  While a strong self-image is good for their emotional development, healthy emotional development to me is about helping them develop a balanced sense of self-worth --- balanced between themselves and others.  When parents do for their kids all of the time and never take time for themselves -- and never let their kids see you taking time for yourself as a parent -- the kids can easily become self-centered.

It's so easy to become so involved in your kids sports, dance, or other activities that you almost lose yourself; you lose a part of you because you put your own interests on the back burner.  The challenge is to find the balance between doing for your kids, and getting involved in your own endeavors.

I recently realized that I've got an imbalance in my household.  My husband travels so I spend the week keeping my kids organized, clean, and active. When I thought about it, I realized that they don't see me putting aside time for me. I had to institute a little tough love parenting and told my older kids that I realized there wasn't any time for me.  I've started having them help with the laundry and soon I think it will be a great thing to have them doing their own laundry and putting it away.  They have some additional chores around the house that will eventually take more off my plate, while making them realize more responsibility.  We've set aside some time at the end of their evening where they read, and I get some time to myself.  I also take some time on the weekend to do my sports (archery) while they help their dad in the yard. 

This plan might not be your cup of tea.  The point is, realize when you're catering too much to your kids -- when there is a complete imbalance that shouldn't exist, and one that will do a disservice to your kids' later by feeding a self-centered attitude.  Balance it where you can.  Teach them respect by showing them respect, but also by expecting some give with the take.  Have a talk with your kids and have them help you figure out how to get more balanced.  They might just enjoy being involved in the solution, and it can certainly serve them well later on!



For pages that serve the post above, check out my site's page on self - esteem, teaching personal values, the many ways parents teach children,  teaching children about manners, and parenting talk.

Monday, April 16, 2012

Internet Safety for Kids

Do you watch what your kids are doing while they are surfing?

A couple of my kids are fairly young, so I didn't think I needed to.  Boy, was I wrong.  One of my sons' teachers told me that, today, if you're not keeping tabs on what young kids are doing on the internet, someone else (someone on the internet) is teaching them some things you may not want them to learn at their age.

I went to a neighborhood watch meeting a while back.  It was led by the sheriff in our town. He had several internet gurus with him.  The stats that they gave about predators on the net were astounding to me.  The sheriff's department actually has a team of people just dedicated to trying to catch sexual offenders that seek out young people on the internet.

They recommended that, as a parent, you keep the computers that kids might use in a public place in the home so that you can keep an eye on what the kids are looking up.  Also, they recommended that parents talk with their kids about NOT joining chat rooms and social sites that enable them to connect with people they don't know on the internet.  There's no reason why young kids should be "meeting" people online.

They also recommended having conversations with the kids about what information is okay to give out online, and what information is NOT okay to ever give out.

One of the most important things that they recommended is some internet safety software.  There is quite a variety of software programs available today that will provide an extra layer of protection for your kids.  Do research to find one that provides the features that you think are important.

Internet safety with kids is important.  It might be "out of sight, out of mind," but it should be something you're mindful about and, as proactive parents, it is good to be cautious and preventive.

For more on internet safety, see my pages on Child Safety on the Internet, Social Networking Safety, Cyberbullying, and information on how you can look up the sexual offenders list in your area.

Friday, April 13, 2012

What Do You Need When You're Having a Baby?

For some, this phase is long gone -- the days of worrying with what to have on hand when the newborn is brought home.  These folks are now into dance lessons, batting practice, or their kids have grown.

For many who read these posts though, this is a new phase for them.

I have a friend who is expecting her first child. She asked me what she needed to do before her baby got here.  Wow!  What a question!  It sure did bring me back to the overwhelming excitement, joy, worry, and overall anxiety I felt before having my first child.  It is a great time, but one that can often be accompanied by feelings of concern for getting it all right.  (I remember thinking, "Oh, no!  Now I really HAVE to be responsible since someone else will be counting on me with their life!")

After having several kids, I can say that there is no need to worry.  If you're reading this, and if you're making visits to Positive Parenting with Purpose, chances are you are taking steps you need to in order to be as prepared as you can.  (You can never be fully prepared.)

You'll want to have a plan in place to keep your marriage strong, something you definitely want to give some thought to prior to giving birth (see the pages on Positive Marriage, and Positive Parenting, which both deal with keeping your relationship with your spouse strong).  You'll also want to acquire some really good parenting books, and after giving birth, you might want to try to take in some parenting classes.

But what about the "stuff" that you'll need to get before your little one's arrival?

These days, hospitals won't even let you pull out of the hospital drive without having your newborn strapped into an infant car seat. So obviously, you'll need that before you bring the baby home.  You'll also want to acquire all of the feeding accessories you'll need, which will change some depending on whether or not you decide to breastfeed or bottle feed.  (If you're still up in the air about that, you might want to look over the Pros and Cons of Breastfeeding.  I also have a page on just the Benefits of Breastfeeding.)  Anyway, if you decide to breastfeed, you'll want to consider renting or buying a pump, which allows others to feed the baby at times, but also enables you to store some milk in the frig and freezer for a time you might need it.  You'll want to look into getting some breastfeeding clothes, as well as a drape for when you are out somewhere and need to feed the baby.

Otherwise, consider which type of bottles you want to use.  There are SO many kinds, you'll really want to spend some time gathering information to determine the kind that will work best for you.

Obviously, you'll want to stock up on diapers and wipes, although it might be smart not to buy too many diapers prior to bringing Little Bit home because you don't know what size he/she will need until the baby's born.  Have your changing station set up and ready for when you get home, including a changing pad or soft, safe area where you'll be changing the baby's diapers.

You'll need a number of toiletries, such as gas drops, rash cream, bathing soap, a fingernail file, etc.  You'll also want to know where you are putting your baby down to sleep when you bring him/her home.  (Honestly, I had all of mine sleep in the car seat until they were a couple of months old because they seemed to sleep better being slightly upright than being flat.)  Have sheets for their bed and blankets on hand. If you believe in swaddling, you'll want to make sure they're the right size.  Also, my kids slept much better with a music maker in their rooms.

Have the pain reliever drops on hand that are recommended by your baby's doctor.  I always had some in a home cabinet and some in the diaper bag.  (I also have always kept an antihistamine stick handy for insect bites that I'd never see coming.) 

Anyway, those are some of the things that you'll want to have ready for the bub when you bring him/her home.  There are many more things that you could get, and from what I've seen, most first-time moms go bananas buying for their little angel.  But you just need to have the basics on hand and then get what you determine you need after getting used to your new addition.



If you want more information on things you might want to consider having for your newborn, and then items you might want as your baby grows, check out:  Baby Accessories, Child Safety Products, Baby Diapers, Baby Bottles, Pacifiers, Baby Cribs, Infant Bedding, and Baby Monitors.

Thursday, April 12, 2012

What Do You Affirm with Your Child?

Something occurred to me last night when I told one of my boys that I was proud of him:  I haven't said that in a while.

It's not that I haven't said other nice things, but I haven't said that or anything similar to that.

This brought me back to a conversation I had with a friend several years ago; I haven't thought about the conversation since, but something about the words, "I'm proud of you" brought it back like the conversation was yesterday.

My friend had told me about how he had not grown up in a family that used positive words much.  His parents just hadn't thought about it. He told me this because he'd been observing people around him and had been wondering how their self-esteem had been affected by the use of either affirming words or really negative, seemingly destructive ones.

He told me that, when he became a father, he was going to ensure that he used positive words with his kids all the time.

In theory, it's a great idea.  But what often happens is... life gets in the way.  As parents, you get so busy with the schedule, you forget about catching your kids doing something right.  Sometimes it's not even the schedule.  It's that we get wrapped up in doing our job as the instructor.  But what happens when we do that?  We become people who tell, people who are trying to teach the right way to do something.  If this is our main way to communicate, after a while, it just might be that our kids feel that they are always doing things wrong.  At some point, why would they continue to try to do things right?

Well, let's not make it "theory." When you forget those positive affirmations, remind yourself. (I just made a post-it note and put it on my mirror in the bathroom, a place that my kids don't often go, but I go several times a day.  It just reminds me to catch them doing something good, and reminds me to tell them, to show them appreciation for it.)

I believe strongly in the power of positive affirmations, both in the short-term, and the long-term.  It not only makes kids feel good in the moment, but it gives them some lasting positive things that help them along the way.  It teaches them that they can do in a sometimes negative, cynical world.  It reinforces that you notice them, and you respect them (the latter will often help them with returning that respect to elders.)  And it helps them with their emotional development.  Lastly, I believe that it sets the foundation for a friendship that you can develop with your children later on, when you begin to transition from the traditional role of parenting children into that of being more of a friend to your kids.  And, wow. That's definitely something I don't want to miss out on.


Please post your comments to start a conversation within this blog, or visit our on-site forum (which is called the Positive Parenting with Purpose Blog on my site.)  The more conversation the better!  Thanks for visiting.

Tuesday, April 10, 2012

Product Recalls

So I found out the other day that my youngest child's crib has been recalled.  It was kind of by accident that I found out, and I usually pay close attention to information about baby product recalls!  So this got me thinking about people who don't frequently write a parenting blog and might have recalls even further back in their minds than I do. 

How do others find out about recalls of products that they're using?

A lot of times, it might be on the news, listed on some websites, or might be a topic of discussion by mothers who've taken their kids to a playground.  Other than that, the only really solid way of knowing if a product you are using is still considered to be safe for the general public is to seek out information from the CPSC (if you're in the States.  If you're reading this from another country, find out the governing body that regulates recalls.)

The most recent and most news-worthy recalls are often published on parenting sites.  But there are also a few places you can go to keep up-to-date on a regular basis.  The CPSC has a site that will list all of the most recent recalls.  If you're interested in previewing recalls of items that might be purchased for a baby, you can find their widget detailing recent recalls on my Baby Products Recalls  page.  It's there because it just makes it easier to find out specifics on recalls having to do with products for kids.

If you have a question about a specific item that you've purchased and think that it might have been recalled, you can visit my general page on product recalls.  Here, you can enter the specific product in question to have the widget do a search on recalls for you.  It's a handy tool if you aren't interested in scrolling through other recalls to possibly find the one that you are interested in.

Keeping children safe is just one of the many responsibilities of parents these days.  Keeping apprised of product recalls is just one of the ways to stay armed with information to make the best decisions possible for your kids.

Visit us at Positive Parenting with Purpose for more on child safety, which includes info on such things as car safety (and more on the infant car seat), child poisoning, the internet safety for kids, (including info on things like the sexual offenders list), sun safety for kids, and some general information on child safety products to consider.

Monday, April 2, 2012

Baby Bottles

I visited some friends the other day, and several of them have babies of different ages.  I looked around at all of the different baby bottles that were being used by this small group.

That's the beauty of living today.  There are so many choices... for everything.  Bottles are no exception.

When I had each of my children, I remember going to the baby stores to look at all of the bottles.  I wanted to make the best decision I could on what bottles to use, and every time I had a child, I figured that there might be some new, better bottles now available.

I remember seeing the stores shelves just lined with an array of choices.  There were short, fat bottles, there were tall skinny ones, some had air vents to release the vacuum in the bottle to keep the baby from swallowing air.  There were bottles with all sorts of gizmos, contraptions, and different features to supposedly help prevent colic.  (Did any of your kids have colic?  Mine did!  You definitely want to find what works to make your baby happy when you think he/she has colic!)

Most of the bottles I saw when I was looking were plastic.  There were very few, if any, glass bottles.  I guess the manufacturers figured that people wanted the unbreakable plastic versus the glass bottles which, if dropped, could shatter.

But today, the microwave is such a part of how we warm foods, and most of the ladies I know with babies, warm their babies' milk in the microwave.  Do they put the plastic bottles in the microwave? I hope not, but guess that many do.

Today, you can read many, many articles about the potential hazards of warming any foods in plastic containers.  While I do see conflicting opinions in the things I've read put out there by scientists, there seems to be a general growing concern about the seeping of chemicals from the plastics into the food.  BPA is one of the compounds commonly used in plastics.

While there is research pointing the the positives for its use, there are also a lot of concerns about it.  For now, I avoid it.  I look for containers or inserts that say "BPA-free." I also try to use glass.  It is actually quite easy to use glass bottles because they are dishwasher safe.  You can use a bottle warmer (which are also sold in baby stores) to warm bottles to the correct temperature versus the microwave; warming glass bottles filled with milk isn't the best idea, at least for me.  The milk varies in temperature, even within the same glass container.  If I warm in the microwave, I make sure it IS in glass, and I make sure to always stir and check the temperature before giving it to a baby.

If you're looking for baby bottles today, consider all of your options.  Do what works for you.  If you need convenience, realize there are still quite a few options available that provide convenience, but might be considered safer through your use than other options.


Visit Positive Parenting with Purpose for general positive parenting tips.  Also, check out the pages on baby equipment, diapers, baby carriers, cribs, and baby monitors.  There are many other pages, as well, that talk about various baby supplies.